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Facing rejection, particularly when it happens repeatedly, is far from pleasant. A publisher is saying no, delivering a definite “Nope.” Working in writing, I am well acquainted with rejection. I began pitching story ideas 50 years back, just after finishing university. Since then, I have had two novels declined, along with book ideas and countless essays. Over the past score of years, specializing in personal essays, the refusals have grown more frequent. Regularly, I get a rejection frequently—totaling over 100 each year. Overall, denials in my profession number in the thousands. At this point, I could have a master’s in handling no’s.

However, does this seem like a woe-is-me rant? Absolutely not. Since, finally, at seven decades plus three, I have accepted rejection.

By What Means Have I Accomplished It?

Some context: At this point, almost everyone and their distant cousin has rejected me. I’ve never tracked my acceptance statistics—doing so would be quite demoralizing.

As an illustration: not long ago, an editor nixed 20 pieces one after another before accepting one. In 2016, at least 50 book publishers vetoed my book idea before one accepted it. A few years later, 25 literary agents passed on a project. One editor even asked that I submit my work only once a month.

The Seven Stages of Setback

In my 20s, each denial were painful. I felt attacked. It was not just my work was being turned down, but myself.

As soon as a piece was rejected, I would begin the process of setback:

• First, surprise. What went wrong? How could they be overlook my talent?
• Second, refusal to accept. Surely they rejected the incorrect submission? Perhaps it’s an oversight.
• Third, dismissal. What can any of you know? Who made you to judge on my labours? You’re stupid and their outlet is subpar. I refuse this refusal.
• After that, irritation at those who rejected me, followed by frustration with me. Why do I subject myself to this? Am I a masochist?
• Fifth, pleading (preferably seasoned with delusion). How can I convince you to acknowledge me as a unique writer?
• Sixth, sadness. I’m no good. Additionally, I can never become successful.

So it went for decades.

Notable Company

Certainly, I was in good company. Tales of authors whose books was at first declined are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Nearly each renowned author was originally turned down. Because they managed to overcome rejection, then maybe I could, too. Michael Jordan was cut from his school team. The majority of US presidents over the past six decades had earlier failed in elections. The filmmaker says that his script for Rocky and desire to star were declined repeatedly. For him, denial as an alarm to rouse me and keep moving, rather than retreat,” he stated.

The Seventh Stage

Later, as I reached my senior age, I entered the final phase of setback. Peace. Today, I grasp the various causes why an editor says no. For starters, an editor may have recently run a comparable article, or have something in the pipeline, or just be thinking about something along the same lines for someone else.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my idea is uninteresting. Or the evaluator believes I am not qualified or reputation to fit the bill. Or isn’t in the field for the work I am peddling. Or didn’t focus and scanned my piece hastily to recognize its value.

You can call it an epiphany. Any work can be rejected, and for whatever cause, and there is virtually little you can do about it. Certain explanations for rejection are always out of your hands.

Your Responsibility

Some aspects are under your control. Let’s face it, my ideas and work may occasionally be flawed. They may not resonate and impact, or the idea I am attempting to convey is not compelling enough. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Or a part about my grammar, notably dashes, was offensive.

The essence is that, regardless of all my decades of effort and setbacks, I have succeeded in being widely published. I’ve published two books—my first when I was middle-aged, my second, a memoir, at older—and more than a thousand pieces. These works have been published in newspapers large and small, in local, national and global sources. My first op-ed ran decades ago—and I have now submitted to that publication for five decades.

Yet, no bestsellers, no book signings in bookshops, no features on popular shows, no speeches, no prizes, no Pulitzers, no international recognition, and no medal. But I can better handle rejection at 73, because my, small successes have cushioned the jolts of my many rejections. I can choose to be reflective about it all now.

Instructive Rejection

Setback can be helpful, but provided that you listen to what it’s trying to teach. If not, you will likely just keep taking rejection the wrong way. What teachings have I gained?

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